Saturday, March 26, 2011

Watch Online 'Jersey Shore' season 3, episode 13: Housemates leave Seaside Heights a bit tanner, a bit angrier

Watch Online 'Jersey Shore' season 3, episode 13: Housemates leave Seaside Heights a bit tanner, a bit angrier
BY Anthony Benigno
Saturday, March 26th 2011, 4:00 AM

Jersey Shore, season 3, episode 13: Housemates leave Seaside Heights a bit tanner, a bit angrier

Finale time, baby. Now, where were we? Oh, right: Ronnie and Sammi were fighting. It's just like the other 12 episodes this season in which they screamed at each other, except it's not, because this is the last time we'll have to see it for the next six months or so. Woohoo!!

Anyway, chaos is erupting in the house over the non-shocker that Sammi previously made out with a guy she had invited to meet her in a club. Like this crew, of all people, is shocked to learn hooking up is a prerequisite for arranging a meet in a bar. Sammi is steadfast in her denial, but, in a quieter moment, finally cops to having made out with the Guido McGyver … two years before any of this ever happened. What a stupid thing to lie about, but that's Sammi right there. Sitch apologizes for his meddling, and all is well until the final night out at Karma, when Ron and Sam have yet another drunken blowout – and it's a BIG one – over some trivial faux pas Ronnie thinks Sammi made.

It's kind of hard to tell at this point what they fight about anymore, but it doesn't even matter: Ronnie ends the relationship for good the next morning over Sammi's protests, and America practically falls over itself in celebration. About. Freaking. Time.

The seven 'Jersey Shore' cast members parted ways - until they reunite in Italy this summer. MTV

B-plots: The cast assembles for a big end-of-summer blowout, with Danny the T-Shirt Guy working the grill, and DJ Pauly D on the ones and twos. There's even a piñata scene where, true to form, Snooki swings wildly in the opposite direction, and J-Woww obliterates her target with a Barry Bonds-caliber killing blow.

We also get to meet J-Woww's dad, who looks like the exact opposite of his daughter, mainly because he doesn't have extensions halfway down his back and implants that precede him wherever he goes. But it's Deena's friend who garners the most attention, since Vinny seems to deem her hookup-worthy. Deena practically falls over herself blocking Vinny's game under the auspices of protecting Snooki's feelings. Vinny dubs Deena – well, what he actually calls her is unprintable, really. Suffice it to say, "killjoy" would be an appropriate substitute, but Vinny takes it even a step further than that by calling Deena an "Angelina," which stuns the house into silence and creates a rift between Deena and Vinny that's ultimately mended by her drunken offering of grilled cheese post-Karma. Hooray for compromise?

Snooki announces, without a hint of irony, that she'd like to go out with a bang, and so she takes home some skinny non-juicehead who can barely even hold a conversation with her for a romp in the smush room. Regrettably, the guy's had one too many and is unable to deliver at the moment of truth. Womp womp.

Also, J-Woww and Roger officially become boyfriend and girlfriend. Yaaaaay!! Also happy? J-Woww's dogs, now free to pee and poop all over the house with impunity. For those keeping score, that means between this and the toilet incident there's not a single living soul in the shore house who is properly potty-trained. Horrifying.

The goodbyes are as emotional as ever. Vinny leaves with nary a word; Sitch practically leaves tread marks heading off to "Dancing With the Stars" (okay, maybe not that emotional); Snooki and J-Woww cry for 20 minutes, and Pauly D gets philosophical with an I-hate-goodbyes monologue.

Meanwhile, Sammi goes out with the magic words on her lips: "There is no Ronnie and Sammi right now."

That there isn't … at least not until next season. Quick: How do you say "I'm done" in Italian?

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